Like A Drug
by rcf1989
Summary: Sharon's in bed rest and has a very unexpected visitor, and she's high due to her meds. All from her POV, first person fic and I haven't done one of those in a while.


A/U: I lost the count after the tenth time I rewrote this fic, it was completely different when I started it - Sharon should've been completely mad at everyone and impossible to deal with - and I ended up giving in and let my frustration with my own health took over as a way to mock it. Also, I put in here part of my sense of humor, which can be really twisted at times, and misunderstood for sarcasm sometimes so you know, consider yourself warned. And before everyone points it out, I know it's completely OOC.

* * *

Sharon Raydor.

Not looking a day over mid forty and yet way closer to sixty.

LAPD Captain. Force Investigation Division, subdivision within Internal Affairs.

Stubborn, determined, bitchy, used to get her way one way or the other, guided by her so called little rule book as she followed protocol like if her life depended on it. Always must come first. No one ever heard her raise her voice too much to make others stare at her unless they were in the same room. Cold, distant, keeping people at arms lengh, manipulative, smooth voice able to either make you feel good or wonder why someone with such a calm voice could make you wish you were dead whenever she was almost spitting venom. Icy looks that made you think if they could kill then you were already dead. Add to all those qualities a terrible temper whenever she's mad, if she can be scary when she's in a good mood just imagine how the scary level raises when she's mad. Yes, just the kind of woman you don't want to mess with in a bad day... Nor even in a good one, you just don't want to mess with her.

Ah, yes, just how everyone thinks of me, quite sad if you ask me. As I lay on my bed, and not really because I want to, I have no choice considering my current state, doctor's orders and the effects the meds have on me though that should count on the first point. At least I'm comfortable and warm as I remember everything's people said about me over the years and all because they never get to know the real me. Most of time it's easier to blame it all on them, for not being able to see the woman behind the rank yet a few times I think it's also my fault because let's face it: who would want to get to know someone like me? All their thoughts about me are true, even when I'm not working but if you had my life you'll probably behave the same way. Say what you want but every damn woman I've met in a similar situation is just like this, and when it comes to work we all know you always need a bitch to get the work done and as we all well know that is me. Like it or hate it, one way or the other, I always get it done.

As I finally feel the meds kicking in, I switch off all the lights, remove my glasses and put the book aside, well on the floor, and curl up on my right side to sleep. I don't know how many hours pass until I open up my eyes again, both because of the pain in my back and the constant knock on my door. As I carefully roll over to look at the clock on my nightstand, I wonder who the hell it is so early in the morning. Uhm... Maybe if I pretend not to be at home...

"Yohoo, Captain Raydor!" The knocks on the door return.

Oh my God, no, not that woman! Why can't she leave me alone? She's called me yesterday over ten times and now she shows up at my door? Can't she get the hint or what? I'm sick, I want to be alone and I won't deal with work. Damn it, another jolt of pain. Oh wait a minute, she's no longer knocking, she left!

"Captain Raydor? It's Chief Johnson, are you... Alright?"

I growl as I hear her voice again, now inside my house! No wonder she's no longer knocking, uhg damn, damn, damned back! Holding tighter into one of my pillows, I bite it to avoid crying out in pain and yet I can't help it shedding a few tears, the kind of tears you don't want to let go and yet you do because you cannot control them, the pain is so intense you cannot help but cry. And I am not a religious woman but I pray, I pray she leaves before it's too late, before she finds me in this state and... See, too much hope for praying for a tiny miracle, here she is. I can feel her staring at me, with her dark brown eyes trying to figure out what is going on before I hear her footsteps approaching my bed as I close my eyes because I just don't want to see her. For God sake's, she woke me and gets into my house without my permission and she very well knows I'd kick her out if I wasn't feeling like this, but what the hell does she know about how I'm doing or where I live anyway?

"Captain?" She asks, her hand gently rubbing my shoulder and I whimper because even the lightest touch hurts like boiling water and she then removes her hand. "I didn't mean to hurt you." She says, I notice the worry and concern in her tone, and I believe her because she has no idea, I hope, about what's wrong with me and well she had been gentle, she was probably making sure I was still alive, like she'll miss me if I wasn't.

I hear her footsteps again and then something moving... Oh yes, she just took the chair from my office and... Yes, here she is again sitting next to me and looking down at me with concern; at some point I had to open my eyes so I did as soon as she left to get the chair. I don't know what to say to her, except that she's not welcomed and she should go and leave me alone but knowing her the little I know her, it's very easy to guess she won't leave me alone until I tell her whatever she wants to know. And honestly, I don't feel like fighting with anyone, not even with her, because I don't have the strengh so I'll eat my pride and let her get whatever she wants, the sooner she gets the information the sooner I'm alone.

"Did I wake you?" She asks, still looking at me like if she was trying to read me and yet I never look up at her, I just can't and it seems my voice doesn't feel like cooperating so I just nod and she then apologizes for doing so.

I close my eyes again and slowly take a deep breath, though I shake in pain as even that hurts me. Where the hell are my painkillers when I need them? Oh great now I start to cough and it gets a bit worse, if that was possible anyway. I must admit I was shocked when the Chief held a glass of water for me and even helped me when I tried to reach for the meds. Either she feels too sorry for me that she feels like she has to help me or she's just doing this to share it with everyone in the office; oddly, a part of me wants to believe the first option even when my head is screaming it's the second and that I shouldn't let her see me in this weak and feable state and the most strange part of this is that I don't care anymore. I don't know why but I just don't, maybe's just the pain or being sick of this loneliness, even if I want her to go, but I guess seeing someone after a week feels... Good?

Oh wait a moment here, what the hell is she... Oh boy, after taking the glass and placing it back in the nightstand, she's trying to make sure I'm comfortable. If that wasn't enough, she makes sure I'm completely covered and warm except my head and even tucks behind my ear a rebelious strand of hair so it isn't over my face. I haven't said a word to her yet, as I'm still unable to find my own voice to ask her, politely, to leave and the time I finally open my mouth it betrays me to let out a yawn. Way to go body, keep failing me now while you're at it, won't you?

This keeps getting better, as I yawn again she tells me, no orders me, not to worry and to go back to sleep as she'll be there whenever I wake up. And who am I not to listen to my superior officer's command when I just got ordered to do just what I want? I guess kicking her out will have to wait for later...

Uhm... What time... Uh oh... I'm high and giggly... Maybe she's not here, maybe it was a drug induced dream... And if so my subconcious has a very terrible and wicked way to punish me... I start to giggle again as I turn around and... No, it wasn't my subconcious, the blonde I have as superior officer is still here. Awh, she looks so adorable and peaceful, she's asleep! Woha, wait, adorable? Peaceful? Where did that come from? Must be the painkillers. As I look at her, I notice her legs are resting over the mattress but away from me so she won't hurt me, who knew she could be so thoughtful? Speaking of thoughts, I think I'm going to carry on with the one I just had... Yep... Aaaaaaaaaaannnnnddddddd... There, done, legs back on the floor and she almost jumped on her seat, wide eyed and shocked, and I can't help but laugh out loud at her face. She looks at me like if she's about to yell at me but then her face turns into that sweet smile of hers right before she burts laughing with me.

Calming down a few minutes later, I look at her and I don't know what to do or say or... Well, this is what happens everytime I take painkillers, at least I'm not throwing up all over the place like the first time I took them, not a nice view. I think it's time to do a little third grade.

"What do you want?" I ask her.

Before answering, her smile disappears and is replaced by a frown. "Well, good morning to you too, Captain. And I only stopped by to check on you."

Ha, and I'm the queen of England. "And who told you where to find me or anything about me, at all?"

"Earlier this week there's been a shooting and an officer got killed, and like usual it also had to do with my investigation so I was surprised not to find you at the crime scene or your office... It was like if you had disappeared, so I asked one of your officers." She explained, somewhat relieved we didn't have to work together this time.

"So they told you and you did some digging to find me?"

"Yes, that's exactly what I've done. I don't... I don't know what's wrong with you but... Earlier you were in such pain... When I touched your shoulder and you whimpered and... Even in your sleep..."

"You've been keeping an eye on me while I was asleep?" Oops, that came out in a higher tone than I intended but well, I just don't like people doing that, it creeps me out.

"I told you I'd be here when you woke up, didn't I?" Ah, there we go, the southern accent strikes back.

"So?" Plain bitch, I know but it's me what did you expect?

"Gosh, Sharon, stop being so stubborn!" She exclaimed and stood up. I think she's pissed, considering she's said my given name. "Is it so hard to believe I am just concern about you?"

"If I were to base my answer in our working relationship... Yes, it is impossible unless you were trying to cover up a murder, my own, making it look like an accident because I mysteriously swallowed a whole bottle of painkillers."

What the... She's laughing! Did I turn into a comedian in my sleep?

"What's so funny?" I ask her while she tries to compose herself.

"It's the way you said that, and your face, too; you're just so high right now."

Yes, I'm now a comedian when I'm drugged. Anyone needs a pissed off Internal Affairs Captain for a party to bring on some bitching and bickering? Just kidding, see? I'm making jokes again, this is weird.

"Go and poke fun at the poor patient, you're such an evil woman, Brenda Leigh."

She laughs again as I put the covers over my head, and I hear her calling me childish as she pulls the covers back down and I laugh as well. I think I just threw out the window my reputation, years working hard to keep it and I only need her here for a few minutes while I'm high to ruin it.

She sits down on the edge of the bed, and pulls back my hair so it's not over my face as I finally pull the covers a little lower, down to my chest and my hands are now playing with the hem of the sheet as she speaks.

"You just reminded me of my mother, she's the only one who calls me Brenda Leigh." She explains. "And I like you more as a goofball, too bad you need to be sick to see you like this." She says and then looks down at her hands, clasped together over her lap. "I mean, are you sick or...?" Her voice breaks and I can't hear what she says.

"Or what?"

"Did... Did someone hurt you?" She asks, still looking down as if she's afraid to look at me.

"Why would someone hurt me? The most they try is my ego and so far you're the only one doing some damage to it."

"So do you to mine but I..." A sigh. "It just seemed like someone hurt you, the way you reacted when I touched your shoulder and... Well I thought the worse... I mean, not that I wish something like that to happen to you but the way you reacted just made the alarm ring."

So she didn't lie when she said she was concerned about me; I'm surprised and touched at the same time. And yet I still want to kick her out.

"I wanted to kick you out as soon as you got here." And now she looks at me like if she saw a ghost. "Still want to, but somehow I can't do it." Now I am the one letting out a sigh. "No one hurt me, it's just... My back. I've had problems with it since I was a teenager, the pain comes and goes, at times it can be so intense I can't bear the lightest touch, but I reached certain age in and I need surgery, which is scheduled for next week. Until then I have to be in bed rest and take painkillers and as you can see, I'm either a major bitch, like usual, or a goofball."

Brenda's looking at me concerned again and even saddened. Just what I need now, Miss Atlanta feeling sorry for me like if I was some injured kitten in need of someone to take care of her. And I'm still surprised we're using our given names, I'm so used to call her Chief that saying Brenda seems odd.

"Sharon..." See? There we go with first names again and what the... Why is she even holding my hand now? "Do you... Have someone to look after you or spend some time with you to make sure you're alright? Or visit you at the hospital?"

I knew it, I knew it, I KNEW IT! She sees me like little kitten in need of protection! Ugh, how much I hate that! Sure, some company isn't that bad although it depends on who that someone is but staying with me for a while because you feel sorry for me? The hell I'm letting that happen.

"Not when said someone wants do that be cause they feel sorry for me. In that case, I kick them out myself."

"Do you or do you not have someone?"

"No, I don't. Happy now?"

"Yes, but no at the same time because if I were you I wouldn't want to be alone."

"If you were me, you'd love to be alone because you can't trust no one and everyone who ever had your trust betrayed you."

Oh no, why did I say that out loud? Now I won't get rid off her! Her grip on my hand tightens and looks at me more worriedly than before. Great, Sharon, look what you've done.

"So is it safe to assume that is why you always keep people at arm's lengh? Because you don't want to be betrayed again? Get hurt, again?"

I only sigh and nod lightly. This isn't helping me to kick her our and like I already told her, I can't bring myself into it either. And as I look at her, I notice something's changed, I can't really tell what it is but something's different. Either that or I'm imagining it, quite plausible... Lady on high here.

"I know we don't have the best working relationship, but... If you allowed me, if you wanted to give someone a chance, I'll be there."

"Why?"

"Because no one going through this should be alone. I don't know how you've managed to be like this, on your own, for a week."

"Oh I just threatened my shadow to do as I pleased or there'd be very serious consequences." Why am I trying to be funny? Well at least it worked because we're both laughing. "Really, it's just will power at the right time while the painkillers are still effective. I've done it before, but hopefully it will be the last time."

"So then you'd rather be on your own?"

Why does she have to make it so hard. "I don't really want to talk about, Brenda Leigh."

"Oh my, I thought I was talking with the tough as nails Captain Sharon Raydor and not my mother." She said in a teasing tone and somehow, that made me smile.

"It's just some kind of... Sore issue for me and I'd rather ignore it." I sigh once more and look down at her hand still holding mine. "You should go."

As soon as those three words leave my lips I feel her getting tense, I only needed to look at her hand, slowly setting mine free and she then stands up. Avoiding her gaze, I see her picking up the chair so I guess she's going to place it back in my office. She comes back for her purse... That damned black purse, sometimes I wish I could set it on fire. It can be practical but not for a woman in her position.

"I'll let myself out." I hear her say, almost whispering and that made me snap out of my thoughts.

"You better, I still don't know how you let yourself in so it would be the nice thing to do." I snap back at her, and truth is I didn't really want to snap but it just came out that way.

"Take care, Sharon."

Gosh, why do I feel so bad now? Uh oh she's leaving, c'mon think of something... Come on! I can do it...

"Brenda!" I exclaim, hopefully loud enough for her to hear me.

And she did! Yes! She's walking upstairs again and there she is, looking at me expectantly by the door.

"I said you should go because... You... Well... You came here really early and fell asleep on that chair... And I very well know it didn't do you any favors, so I thought..." Great, now I got stuck.

"You thought what, Sharon?"

"You should go home to rest properly, have a shower and eat something. Relax. You look tired..."

"And?"

What is she, reading my mind, or am I so obvious when I'm high?

"And you're free to let yourself in anytime." I say, looking at the cieling and close my eyes, trying to relax as the hardest part is done.

"That is very kind of you and I have the rest of the day off and the weekend as well, so maybe I come back later."

I don't need to look at her to know a little smile is forming on her lips, just like me, right before I hear her footsteps again and shortly after I hear the front door closing. Well, at least I managed to kick her out which is what I wanted all along and even allowed her to come here anytime she wants. Risky movement on my part, but so was hers with that half promise to return later today. Somehow, I know we'll fight at some point but like they say, you have to keep your friends close and your enemies even closer, now which one is she only time will tell.


End file.
